Thursday, 29 March 2012

I ran...

Thursday is run day.  So, dropped the kids off at their sports ... chucked my shoes on and ran.

I often say that to people.  Running is so easy to just do ... you chuck your shoes on and go.

That's not actual reality is it though.

It's more like this...

Find your shoes, dig your running clothes out of the washing basket, can't find running clothes there so dig them out of the washing machine, search the house and the car and the shed for your socks, search the house and the car and the shed for a hair-tie, search the house and the car and the shed for your ipod, untangle your ipod, throw your ipod on the bed because it's not charged, search the house and the car and the shed for husbands ipod, untangle his ipod, put your shoes and ....

...run.

And that's exactly what happened today.

4.3 ks.  Felt great to be running today.  I feel like it's been AGES since I've been alone.  And I didn't realise how much I was craving hearing my own thoughts and feeling my own feelings.  It felt good.
I was a better mum this afternoon because of it.

I love that scene from What Women Want ... when Mel Gibson is pitching to Nike.  It's about how the road is always there, waiting for you to run it.  Watch it ... it makes you want to run.

Here it is...
The Road


Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Guilt, my old friend...

Aaah glorious rest day.  No guilt about not running!  Leaving more room for guilt about everything else.

I read an article this morning ... over half of kiwi mums are riddled with guilt.

That's me.

Guilt and or worry.

I don't know how to exist in any other way.

I wonder sometimes if I cling to guilt and worry as if it's my own personal insurance policy.

Like maybe if I stop the guilt and worry, then it will all crumble around me in a heap.

While I'm filled with guilt and worry ... I can hold it all together.

Sounds ridiculous now that I've written it down.

Anyway ...

It's an interesting read.


" Mums these days have many hats to wear; mother, worker, wife/partner, the list goes on.  There are so many pressures associated with melding all these tasks together and doing them well. Societal expectations also seem to create pressures for mothers to offer children all the options and again this can present challenges to achieve on a daily basis."

Here's the link.  "Kiwi Mums Feel Guilty"

Nicky is back next week!! And we begin our training for the 10k in June.  We want to run it under 55 minutes!!!

I need this.  I need those runs.  I need my talks with Nicky.  Have you found your Nicky yet?



Tuesday, 27 March 2012

I got nothin'...

I'm trying to think of something inspirational and motivational ....

I got nothin'.

I'm tired.  I know that.  And today has been one of the days where I feel like I can't get anything right.

I feel like I'm failing at work.  And I spend a good chunk of my day at work, so when I don't feel like I'm doing a good job ... everything seems to spiral down from there.

Isn't it so interesting that when you achieve at work you feel fantastic and almost untouchable.  But then you have one of those days ... like my one today ... a rotten one ... and you feel useless and any confidence you did have from that great day the other day ... slips through your fingers.  And you can feel it draining away.  And then it's gone.  As if you never had it in the first place.  You can't even remember what it felt like to have it.

I know it's wrong ... but I let myself be defined by my achievements or lack of.  It's so wrong.  But when I'm this tired, it's all I feel like I've got.

If a friend was sitting at my kitchen table drinking tea and told me what I just wrote ... "I am defined by my achievements of lack or" ... I would tell her that's ridiculous.  I would tell her that she is defined by the love she gives and receives.  I would tell her ... go for a run.  That'll sort you out I'd say.  A run always gives you the gift of being present and the gift of perspective.  Go for a run.  Just put your shoes on and go for a run.

So ... Kath ... Put your shoes on and go for a run. A run will sort you out.

Run.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Pantry Doors wide open .... What Can I Eat?!?!?!

It's 4pm and I want to EAT EVERYTHING!

But ... my phone just bleeped...

"Don't Bail! "

That's what my phone bleeps at me every day at 9am and 4pm.

I've set a reminder to go off twice a day.

9am and 4pm ... my danger times.  I just want to eat.  And eat and eat and eat and eat.  I'll eat anything too.  Kids muesli bars.  Cheese on toast.  Biscuits.  And it's not that I'm hungry.  It's that I'm tired.  Over it.  Worn out.  Grumpy. Moody.  And for some mental reason, I think that food will make it all go away.
And you and I both know that food doesn't make it go away.  It makes it all worse.

So, I set that alarm to go off.  To remind myself ... I'm not hungry.  Eating for the sake of eating stuffs everything up.  It makes me angry at myself and makes me want to give up.

I read somewhere that comfort eating is essentially bailing on yourself.
Something about that makes so much sense to me and it really helps when I'm about to sabotage it all.

DON'T BAIL!

It feels incredible when you DON'T BAIL.

It feels hopeless and miserable when you do.





Saturday, 24 March 2012

Progress...


It's raining! 

But that didn't stop the girls turning up this morning.  

This group really is ... different shapes, different sizes, different ages, different beliefs, different goals, different EVERYTHING.  Maybe that's what makes it work? No competition.  No judging.  Just running.  Actually ... just talking and running.

Today my focus is getting Liz and Kathy to run WITHOUT STOPPING 3 ks.  They MUST start slow.  SLOOOOOOWW.  For at LEAST 5 minutes.  If you're started out ... this is absolutely the key.  Start slow.  Even if you think you are going slow ... slow down some more.

And that's what we did today...

Liz ... gorgeous Liz.  47, who only started 2 months ago, and is carrying too much weight for her liking ... RAN 3 KS WITHOUT STOPPING TODAY!!! 
Liz ... You make me want to do better and try harder.  Since that first day you came out running ... I have NOT ONCE heard one excuse come out of your mouth.  You are incredible.

And Kathy!! RAN her first 3 ks too!!! Kathy, with her heavy heart and every reason to stay in bed ... came running!!!

And so did Paula.  Paula came running.  This was Paulas 4th week running.  Man she is on a journey.  I know this journey because I have been there.  A lot of weight to shift.  A mind that feels like it doesn't want the best for you.  

The daily battle for self.  

Here's how she is going...


Habit Setting . . . . .

Well, did I make a huge mistake when I asked my darling husband (yes just in case you are reading Darryl – I’m talking about you) to read my first contribution to Kaths running blog.  “Yep, sounds good” he said “but it’s all very well to talk about it you just need to make sure you keep doing it”.  Well duhh as if I don’t know that!!!!   

Easy for him to say when he has the metabolism of a windup toy and could not put an ounce of fat if he tried!!!!  All this from my wonderfully frank husband, the very same that when asked “honey does my bum look big in this” responded (in the nicest possible way) with “hell honey you have a big bum so what did you expect”.

You must agree though that when you start anything new it’s like, full steam ahead for the first little while and then any little excuse means that you wind up in front of the telly.  I am not going to do that this time, I am really not!!! So how the hell to keep motivated?  Best time for me to go to the gym is at 5:30 am in the morning, exercise for an hour and then home in time to shower, get the kids off to school, hang out some washing and off to work myself. Sounds great in theory but when that bloody alarm goes off at 5:00 am and its dark and windy and you feel like the only person up in the whole wide world. 

It is so much easier to reset the alarm for 7:00 am and snuggle back down for a couple of hours.  I do have to make a conscious effot to make sure I get to bed at a reasonable time the evening before or else I feel like melting down by the time I get home from work in the evening.   Mmmmm lots of things there to be changed aren’t there. 

Why is it that it’s so much easier to set up the bad habits and really difficult to put those good ones in place?  I have just turned and asked my friend this question and her answer was “that it is much more fun to sit on your backside and eat chocolate”, and while I agree, that tends to make the scales go in the wrong direction – thanks Louise for your insightful contribution, NOT!!

Anyway, after a couple of weeks away from the running group I am back there this Saturday morning and I am actually finding myself looking forward to it.  Not so much the sore legs and lungs that feel like they are going give up on me, but I’m looking forward to meeting with the other wonderfully likeminded ladies that are so much fun to chat with about everything and nothing. 

I remember talking to Nicky a few Saturdays ago and she said that it is really distracting to have someone to listen to, you tend to forget the things that are hurting and concentrate on what they are saying.  Poor (wonderfully persistent) Nicky, I think was running out of things to say to me but come hell hell or high water she stayed by my side and just kept belting out idle chit chat – and some questions, luckily they were the type of questions that only  required yes or no answers to which I only had to nod or shake my head – I was beyond talking!!!  Hell what do you expect, we were just reaching the end of a 2 minute stint – yep 2 whole minutes!!!

Hey guess what?  Remember my last contribution when I mentioned that I am at least 20 kgs heavier than the others,  well, as of today I am only 16.5 kgs heavier.  Yaaaay go me!!!!


Friday, 23 March 2012

The Eye Of The Tiger...

Aint on my iPod.  Should be though!  It's a GREAT running song.
This is what I ran to today...
Disclaimer ... the songs on this playlist are so shameful.  Please don't judge me.

Kanye West - Gold Digger
Tony Christie -  Is This The Way to Amarillo
The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
ABBA - Does Your Mother Know That You're Out
Beyonce - Put A Ring On It
Tiffany -  I Think We're Alone Now
Journey - Don't Stop Believing
Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

Shameful.  SHAMEFUL!!!

But ... what EVER it takes right??

Running Group tomorrow!  I love my Saturday mornings with these girls.  They like it too...

"Hey Kath- thanks heaps for your support on Saturday.Tough day but got through. Arohanui ki a koutou.xx"


"‎5 weeks running and finally no issue breathing...great to see progress in at least this area. Thanks Kath for keeping the motivation alive:)"

"I feel so loyal to this group that, even though I was in Waikanae for a Girls' Weekend, I mapped out a run before I went so I could be running with you in spirit...and I even actually went for a run! See you next Saturday :)"



Fail...

It's 4.15am on Friday morning.  My rest day.  BUT.  I didn't run yesterday.  Well .. I ran.  I ran out of time.  And had a thing to go to last night ... and I'm just hopeless against red wine and dumplings.
My head hurts.  Steve, who I work with just sent me a text ... he has Muffin Splits, Butter and Honey ready to work it's magic on the tiredness and hangover when I get to work.  And Nurofen!

I feel stink about not running yesterday.  Nicky ran! She sent me a text from Dunedin saying that he had run 6 ks in the rain and the wind and the hills!!!

One good thing ... my tunic that is always a bit tight fits really well today! I LOVE that feeling.  Clothes fitting.

I've lost a lot of weight since running.
Actually, in the time I've been running, I've lost of lot...
I've lost a job, I've lost a friend, I've lost my mind, I've lost my dignity, I've lost money.  I've lost my sister too.
I haven't lost hope though.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

We're Always Running...

Paula and I were laughing about this the other day.  We're always running!! Not the "put your shoes on" kind of run ... but the "running through your day" run.

Wake up.
RUN to the shower.
RUN to school/kindy.
RUN to work.
RUN around work to get everything done.
RUN out of time.
RUN to Kindy.
RUN to School.
RUN to home.
RUN to sports/music lessons/groceries/pay bills
RUN out of money.
RUN to home again.
RUN around the kitchen cooking dinner.
RUN out of food.
RUN to meetings.

Yep.  ALWAYS running.

Running for everyone else!!!

And it's fine!  We signed up for this.  We wanted the family.  It's not a bad thing in anyway that we run around like ... as my Dad would say ... a blue-arse fly ...

It's just that it's SO good to run for ourselves.

I know it's hard to get out there.  It never get's easier.  I wrote a post on that!  Click here to read it.

Try this...

Commit to 3 running days a week.  I have Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays.
Then RELISH the rest days.
And remember ... it's only 30 minutes right?  You can do 30 minutes.  When you think about your day ... that 30 minutes is actually your easiest.

Another thing that REALLY helps ... is managing your expectations.  If my friend Steve was reading this, he'd say that's a "Kathism".  Managing Expectations.  But it works.  Say to yourself ... I'm only going to do 2 ks.  And I'm going to go REALLY slow.  I bet you ... that you'll love that slow 2ks ... and that you'll want to pick up the pace and bust out another 2ks.

Do what ever it takes, to RUN for yourself.

Making Pizza tonight.  I have to double the recipe because apparently my husband and boys haven't eaten for 5 days.

OH! Update on the "No TV" punishment ... we ALL hated it.  It was TORTURE!! So for the last couple of nights they've hit the sack, closed their eyes and gone straight to sleep.
Hello Nick Jr!! We've missed you!!

How did my mother do it?? 4 kids.  No TV. Kudos Margy.  Kudos.




Tuesday, 20 March 2012

It's been a very tough day...

I want today done.  I want to crawl into bed and never, ever have to feel todays sadness ever again.  My heart is broken for my friend and I just can't seem to shake the ache.
Work was so hard.  Maintaining a posture of positivity, energy and forward momentum.  I faked it.  Don't think anyone noticed.  
The school run is the great leveler right?  EVERYONE has their day.  Everyone has a burden.  A sadness.  A loss.  A regret.  At some stage, everyone feels like they are done.  Today I feel like I'm done.
Before the school run, I ran.
I ran fast.  I ran till my heart actually hurt ... not just with the sadness ... And I started to feel like, maybe I might be okay.
5 ks.
I might be done.
But the run is done too.
Yep, maybe it's all going to be okay.


Monday, 19 March 2012

Cabin Fever Anyone?

When a southerly hits Petone it HITS right?! Me and the boys have played petshops ... with Jesse choosing to be a monkey-wolf and Gus choosing to be a tiger. Which they fought over of course.  So we played Little People ... you know... with the castle and the dragons and the knights and the unicorns? They fought over that.  Of course.  So we did some baking.  Which they fought over.  So we played monopoly.  Well ... I got monopoly out and they fought over who gets the hat token ... so that was that.
What about the TV?? Oh that would be awesome to shove them in front of the TV.  BUT, their punishment for not going to bed when they were told last night was no TV today.
Never again.  It's actually punishment for me.
I'm over it.
And I ain't running in this rain.
I want to EAT.
Making my Lick the Bowl Laksa tonight.
What is it with winter?  I feel like dinner at 4pm???
Gotta go ... apparently the boys have no toys and are bored and their life sucks.
It's carnage ...

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Want to be inspired? Paula's First Run...


I listened to Kath going on and on about her running group on The Breeze every day.  To begin with I just listened then I started listening and thinking a little bit.  I thought to myself how much of a fool would I make of myself if I went along and just gave it just a little try?

I continued with these thoughts and then what does a girl do – she opens her big mouth to Kath (of all people) and tells her “I would like to give that a little try one day”.  Kath, in good Kath style decided that the very next Saturday would be a great opportunity for my little first attempt at a run.

I would like to share with you about how that first Saturday morning went.  I hauled my fat bum out of bed at about 7:30 am, dragged on my big baggy T Shirt and shorts and jumped in the car.  My heart was pounding, the nerves were making me literally sick to the stomach (all before I had even pulled out of the driveway). 

I arrived at the water fountain and sat in my car and just observed the people that were arriving to take part in the running group.  I have to say I felt so out of my depth that it took everything I had to not turn on my ignition, drive home, climb back under the duvet and change my radio station!  The ladies that were gathering just looked the part, I didn’t know anyone and they were all at least 20kgs lighter than me.

I had given my word to Kath that I would come along and give it a go and give it a go I would!!!

Right, said Kath, let’s start with 45 seconds running followed by 45 seconds walking – that doesn’t sound too hard does it?  It wasn’t either.  Next she said let’s do 1 min running, 1 min walking.  That wasn’t too bad either – until we had done it a couple of times!  Then I have to say, 1 minute felt like 15 minutes and if it wasn’t for Kath calling out time progress reports I think I would have given up and gone home.  We finished up on my first day with one 2 minute stint – this felt awful – my lungs were burning, my legs were tired and the reality of my level of fitness had dawned on me and I felt as depressed as hell.

I got in the car with my face burning and wet with sweat and thought to myself I DID IT!!! I felt so proud of myself.  Hell I could let my thoughts get the better of me or I could let them work for me.  The first time was over – there would never be another first time – if I could do it that first time, what was stopping me doing it again and again.  I decided then that I would definitely be back for more.

I did go back to Kath’s running group and within a couple of weeks, while my fitness level still embarrasses me – I now feel like I can pat myself on the back for giving it a go.  It has prompted me to join the gym, go walking 5km every other night with a neighbour.  Most importantly it has taught me that I am completely in control of my level of fitness.  Incidentally the other ladies in the running group are absolutely lovely and extremely supportive.

Hell I don’t ever think I will be able to call myself a runner I really don’t, but if I can get to the stage where I can run 5kms I will be really satisfied.   All thanks to Kath and her inspirational can do attitude.

Oops. Too much wine...

I should have gone for a run this morning!
I was supposed to do about 8ks.
BUT I had a few wines last night and woke up feeling GRIM at the very least.
If Nicky was here I would have gone. But she's not.
There is still the rest of the day to fit in a run. What do you think the chances are of that happening!!!!??! Have had a great Sunday morning though... Best hangover cure? Petone Kindergarten wheelathon and no husband to help! Just had to get through it. Thanks to Panadol and nurofen extra of course...

JESSE AND GUS AT THE WHEELATHON THIS MORNING

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Spreading The Running Love...

I slept in!! I arranged to meet Renata at 7.40.  My eyes opened up at 7.33!! Well ... they opened at 5.50am when the kids woke up and snuggled in bed with me (Hubby was out for a run after reading It Never Gets Easier Post!).
But then we all went back to sleep.  Don't you love the kids sweet, warm morning smell.  It speaks directly to that part of you that connects them with you, and only you.  They were formed in me.  And here they are ... all wriggly limbs and warm skin snuggled into me ... where they belong.

Anyway ...  I slept in! It's 7.33 and Renata is always early.  Mad dash to find my gear.  ALL in the wash ... so it's the last resort running pants!! You can clearly see my knickers through them and pretty bad camels toe!! Ah well.  Who cares right?

So off we go ... just under 4 ks.  A tough one for Renata ... the last k is running "at pace".  And Renata is at the beginning of her "running journey".   She doesn't know this yet ... hopefully she wont read this ... but I'm gonna get her to do the 5k in Eastbourne in May.  Once you've done a 5k ... everything changes I reckon.

So ... I say goodbye to her and off I go to my running group at the water fountain.  BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! I took a photo of the sky to prove it.

BLUE SKY ON A PERFECT PETONE MORNING

Three new girls!! Jo, Harriet and Cat.  I wish I had words for how chuffed it makes me feel.
To know that this is right.  I'm on the right path.  I am suposed to be doing this running group.  They keep turning up ... and every week we have someone new come along.  I think we're up to about 25 women now.  We started with 4.  This is right.  I hardly ever feel like I'm on the right path.  But this is right.  Look at them!! These gorgeous women, all shapes and sizes, out there running.  Laughing and encouraging each other.  And all of us claiming our right to the road.

Liz who started about 6 weeks ago ... had NEVER run.  And today she graduated from the beginners group to running 3.3ks.  That ... is inspiring.  Incredible.  Liz turns up.  Every Saturday. She has got it.  She puts her shoes on.  She turns up.  I was running behind her today and noticed how her body has changed.  She has a lot of weight to get rid of.  BUT ... I can see a beautiful shape emerging.  Her waist has come in and she looks lighter.  It's melting away.  I know that inside she is feeling amazing too.

We find strength in each other.  Kathy lost her man and today is his birthday.  After the run, she's off to sit at his grave to mourn the love of her life.  I know grief.  It is relentless.  It's a full time job.  There's no Friday night feeling with grief.  Apathy replaces joy, sadness, shock, fear, anger.  So we stand next to her and wrap our arms around her and try our best to let her know that her grief is valid and that we honour her pain and wish we could take it away.

Kathy came running today.  On the hardest of days she came running.




Thursday, 15 March 2012

Nicky - the only way I can get to the finish line


I met Nicky at the running group I started up.  I had been banging on about it on the The Breeze ... but it was SHEER coincidence that Nicky heard it.  She thought ... Why not? And turned up.

I can't remember how exactly ... or when ... but all of a sudden we were running together.

Our first run was the Start Me Up run last October.  7 ks.  That was a BIG distance for us.  We were 4k joggers.  So this was a big goal.  We did it.  We learned a really important lesson too ... START SLOOOOOOW.  We started really slow ... but we picked it up and crossed the finish line with plenty in the tank AND most importantly we actually enjoyed it.

So ... that got us keen to keep going.

I sent a text to Nicky one day ... "Lets do the Half Marathon in Feb".  "NO WAY" she text back.
She told me that she would be really keen to do the training with me ... but 21 ks was just too far.
Totally fair enough.  And anyway ... Nicky had a heap of duathlons lined up and they needed a fair bit of training for!

It was weird though ... I honestly believed, completely and without any doubt that I could do this Half Marathon.  I just assumed I could run 21ks.  I had never, ever in my life run more than 10ks BUT I had never, ever in my life just believed something to be this true.

So we printed out the training schedule  , wrote the running dates in our diary... and just did what they told us to do.

A few weeks in ... and Nicky says ... "I'm In! I've registered.  I'm doing it!".  So I registered that night ... and from that moment on there was no turning back.  We bloody ran that half marathon.  ALL THE WAY.  And bounded over that finish line at 2 hours, 13 minutes and 26 seconds.

Nicky is my rock.  She says she'll be there... and she is.  She has not once bailed on me.  NOT ONCE!  Can you believe that?  We ran together... every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for 13 weeks.  We didn't miss ONE run.  I'm writing this and I have this overwhelming feeling to cry.  Tears of pride?  Tears of gratefulness to Nicky?  Tears of relief that it's over?  I don't know.  But I do know this.  Nicky turned up.  For every, single run.

We never wanted to run either ... we were both exhausted from work, kids, stress, husbands, friends, money.  It seemed impossible that we would put on our shoes and show up for each other.  But we did.  And on those runs together, we talked from the moment we left the gate to the moment we got home.  And we talked about work, kids, stress, husbands, friends, money ... all of it.  It was incredibly healing to talk things out with Nicky.  This woman who I had only just met, but who instantly became so important, so vital, and so valuable.

I am so very blessed to have Nicky in my life.  Without Nicky I would simply never get across any finish line.

Find your Nicky.  And you'll cross hundreds of finish lines.




Dropped the kids off at their sports ... and thought ... I might just lie in the sun for a bit and doze off while they do their thing.

I'm pretty tired.  4am starts make me so lethargic and grumpy at 3pm.  It's my worst time of the day.  I'm a grumpy, tired, hungry, mess of a mum.

Nicky is away!!  That means I have to run by myself tonight!  I can't bare the idea of running by myself.  I wont go.  BUT ... then I remembered yesterday's blog.  All about no excuses ... blah blah blah.  So I have to go right?  Now that I'm blogging ... I have to go.

So I go.  Right then.  I don't wait till tonight.  I just go.  Kids are happy and safe.  I can squeeze in a 30 minute run right now.  Then when we all get home from sports we can all have dinner together and I can have a bath and go straight to bed.  The run will be behind me.

I managed 23 minutes.  About 4.5 ks.  That's pretty feeble.  But, really, better than nothing.

It was a stink run too.  My ipod ran out of batteries and my eczema was screaming with the sweat ... so all I was left with is skin that feels like it's burning and with no music, only the sound of my heart pumping and my breathing loud and strained.

But ... it's done.
GUS ... Devouring his chicken dinner!

I don't feel great and elated and proud of myself.  I feel tired and useless and clumsy and unfit.


Earlier today, between the kindy run and the school run I dashed home and shoved a chicken in the oven.  Right now I'm VERY happy with that... because I am so VERY hungry.

Wolf.  Gone.  The Bier family devours another roast chicken dinner.



Cracks me up ... the bones and bits and stock and skin left in the roasting pan ... as if wild wolves have actually been here.

Gotta go ... boys ready to get out of the bath and into pjs.  I love this time.  They're all snuggly wuggly and cute and squeaky clean and they get that wonderful second wind... they turn into perfect children.

But the thing I love MOST about this time ... it's almost all over.  I can see the peak of my day-mountain and the quiet of my bedroom that I have been yearning for all day ... is almost mine.

And the run is behind me.




Wednesday, 14 March 2012

"Kath, can you please call the Principal's Office..."

It's a rest day today.  No running. I love rest days.

I got a call from the Principal's Office this morning.
"Hi Kath, we've had an issue with Jesse.  Could you please call me when you can".
Heart Pounding.  Instant Sweat.  Hands Shaking.  Brain Not Working.  So much for the rest day.

He tells me that Jesse decided to leave school today and walk to Dad's work.  So he did ... with his mate Jakob.  Out the gate they went.  They got four blocks from school and realised it wasn't such a good idea.

The relief was incredible ... he's fine.  He's safe.

He'll know there'll be a "Kitchen Table" talk tonight.

My poor little man.  He would have hated sitting in the principals office.  It breaks my heart when they feel anything but happiness. Gotta get my "I'm not very happy with you" look on.

And then I'll hold him tight and tell him he is my precious, precious boy.

It never, ever gets easier...

So I have this little running group.  We meet every Saturday at 8.30 at the Water Fountain in Petone. Keen?  Here's our Facebook page... "like us" and we can keep in touch that way! There's 22 of us now.
Petone Womens Running Group

Paula is in our running group and she is a REAL beginner.  (You really need to read her "first run" story. Click on her name and it will take you there)
She struggles to jog for 2 minutes at a time.  Her heart rate zooms up and her lungs cave in.
And when we were out there running the other day I said to her ... "Just so you know ... it never get's easier".  "WHAT???" She screamed at me.
Because ... running is hard.  If running was easy, everyone would be doing it and everyone would be skinny and everyone would be wearing their favourite jeans.
But.  It's hard.  So not everyone is doing it.
"Yep" I say to her.  "Get used to it.  It never get's easier".
I'm talking about getting the motivation and will to put your shoes on and run.  It doesn't matter how fit you get or how strong you get or how slim you get ... putting your shoes on never get's easier.
We're human.  We give up.  How many diets have you tried? How many Mondays have you started?  How many gym memberships have you wasted?  We give up.  Because it never gets easier.  I want you to know that and understand that.  The "it" that I'm talking about is the act of putting on your shoes and going.
Once you are out there ... that's a different story all together.  Man that gets SO much easier.  It even gets fun.  I can't wait for you to have a blast on the road.  It really is truly joyful.
BUT ... putting on your shoes to go ... that never gets easier.
So... you simply can't use "It's so hard" as an excuse.
The only excuses you are allowed are ... you're genuinely sick.  You can't get care for the kids.  You are injured.
You are NOT allowed to use your period, a bad day, lack of sleep, feeling down, can't be bothered, ipod not charged, clothes not dry, can't find socks as excuses.
Because ... it never get's easier.  Putting on your shoes and going never gets easier.  And if you use those excuses ... you will never run.  You will never get slim.  You will never be the woman you've always wanted to be.  It never gets easier to put on your shoes and go.
But because you go ... the running ... the actual running, will get SO MUCH EASIER.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

I don't want to run...

Nicky and I just did the Hutt News Fun Run.  The 10k. 

http://www.huttnewsfunrun.co.nz/

Standing at the start line I didn't feel good. My legs felt like concrete and I felt like my hip joints were cracked and in my mind I'm screaming "I HATE THE WORLD!".

I'm about to say to Nicky that I'm feeling so awful and tired and I'm just not into it at all.  When she grabs me SO excited with her eyes on fire and says... "Kath!! We can do this in an hour! I KNOW we can!!".

She sounds a LOT like me.  Super enthusiastic and encouraging.   The tables have turned.  I need her to let me off the hook. I need her to say "Okay.  You're having an off day. Let's just go slow the whole way and have a good natter".  BUT she doesn't.  And anyway ... Quite a few of the women around us have heard her enthusiasm and belief in our running abilities and now they're on the super encouraging bandwagon. "Oh you guys can do that EASY" they all say.

I want to go home.  I want to go to sleep. I want to have a good old school cry about nothing.  I want to feel sorry for myself and I want my husband to take the kids away so that the house is quiet and I don't hear the word "mum" and I want to eat a pie.  But I don't do any of those things.   I just run.

Nicky is in awesome form. She just wants to go for it.  She's feeling strong and tells me that compared to the half marathon this distance in nothing.  Oh but I ache. My concrete legs and cracking hips and dark heart are all I can feel.  I plead with her... "Give me 15 minutes of a really slow pace and I promise you... I'll come right and we'll run a good race". She hears the desperation in my voice and straight away pegs back.  But only just.  I keep telling her that I ain't going faster. She struggles to slow down.

But... Then I get it.  That brilliant, wonderful, empowering, all over feeling of openness and strength.  My heart and lungs feel powerful and healthy again and my legs are no longer stuck in concrete. They are fluid and relaxed.  "Here we go" I say to Nicky.  And wow... Here we go.  Picking off runners. Moving forward fast. Finding our pace. Loving it. 4 ks to go and Nicky starts to struggle. So I let her know... this is our pace now.  It will get us home in time. She doesn't have to think. She just has to run.  And we run.  All the way to the finish line.  1 hour. 1 minute. 14 seconds.  My boys are there to hug me and ask me what's for dinner and can I have wheelies like Will and my tummy hurts and where's my light saber.  Yep. It's as if it never happened. But it did. And once again I feel like a real runner.  I love that so much.